So first we had Herman Cain, Baptist preacher and protector of the sanctity of marriage, doing a slow fizzle to his insurgent campaign to be the Republican opponent to President Barak Obama this November. Cain, you will recall, serially hit on female employees when he headed a restaurant lobbying association (and the fact that restaurants feel the need for a fully staffed lobbying office in Washington speaks volumes about the utter dysfunctionality of our government, but that’s another column).
Cain and his minions simply brushed aside this small army of abused women. But when another woman came up with a story that he had essentially been keeping her for a long, long time -- and had the paper trail to prove it -- Cain dropped out. That was not after continually denying the affair, which he still denies.
Now we have the double revelations that Newt Gingrich, that great protector of traditional marriage, wanted an "open relationship" with his second wife. This was so that he could carry on with his mistress, with whom he had been having a longtime affair. That woman, the current Mrs. Gingrich pro tem, seemed to be OK with it -- or, in the words of the archetype of such home-busting females, Crystal Allen in the film "The Women," "Steven seems happy with this arrangement so don’t go making any waves unless you want to cause plenty of trouble."
Crystal, it should be noted, also pointed out to the aggrieved Mrs. Haines, "Look, what have you got to kick about? You’ve got the name, the money, the position." Such an argument had the same effect on the second Mrs. Gingrich as it did on poor Mary Haines.
The GOP apologists in the media have been quick to point out that Mrs. G #2 has no right to squabble, since she herself broke up Newt’s marriage to Mrs. G #1. In effect, they’re using the old "a whore’s comeuppance" argument.
Aside from Gingrich’s and Cain’s serial philandering, we have the spectacle of the "holier than thou" Rick Santorum. It is now coming out that, while in office and not very long afterward, Santorum was a money-grubbing, fast buck fixer. Moreover, he double billed Pennsylvania for the cost of educating his kids while his wife was home schooling them in the D.C. area. When the Commonwealth came after him, he fought it tooth and nail.
But the really juicy nugget on Santorum, whose sanctimony is so bad even many on the right are put off by it, wife Karen was shacking up with -- get this -- an abortion doctor 40 years older than she is. It gets even better: He delivered her.
When I was younger, I attempted to read through the works of the Marquis de Sade, which are pretty heavy going. But he did drop some nice tidbits here and there. de Sade, who saw through the thin veil of hypocrisy that was (and is) the Roman Catholic Church, gave us this bon mot: Scratch a Christian and you’ll find a pederast.
By which he meant that the more someone professes Christ, the greater the likelihood that person is total perv in his private life. Or, to update the phrase, the guilty dog barks the loudest. So it is with this mangy crew.